Linda proposed “relative/relativity” as the topic for “SoCS,” along with an invitation to participate in Bee’s “Love is in da Blog” where she has been writing about family all week long. I don’t have a large family, but my family is truly a gift from God. I couldn’t have asked for a family who loves me more, even when I am unappreciative, when I take them for granted, when I don’t visit or call as often as I should…they are there. My parents and my brother, whom I jokingly call “the parental units” and the “fraternal unit.” My grandparents, my great-aunt and my two uncles have passed away, but they too, were important in making me a part of this family. My mother’s side of the family is very symmetrical. My mother had two brothers and one sister, and each of these four children had three children, of whom all but one survive. Many years ago, we took a picture of my grandmother with these 11 grandchildren. My father’s side of the family was different, and smaller, because he is an only child, and adopted, like me.
People often ask me about the 12 year gap between my brother and me, and ask if I was an “accident.” (which is really a rude question in my opinion, but there you go.) I can say with assurance that nobody “accidentally” adopts a child! Of course, adoption was different when I was a baby. I have friends who have adopted children, and they have spent insane amounts of money, gone through classes, made portfolios, and done all manners of things to prove their worthiness for parenting. It seems like many of those adoptions are from foreign countries, and of those which are not, many seem to be “open” adoptions, the parents living with a fear of the birth mother taking the child back for some period of time, and then having this odd peripheral “family” member. I don’t know what that would have been like.
In the 70’s, adoptions were “closed.” There was no contact between birth parents and adoptive parents. My case was special because my uncle was the director of the hospital which arranged the adoption, but it was still “closed.” I don’t know my birth mother, although I always knew I was adopted. To me “adopted” meant “specially chosen” and I was! Specially chosen by God, through my uncle for my parents. I’m not sure I’d want to know my birth mother, or that she’d want to know me, but if I could tell her one thing, it would be “Thank you. Thank you for changing your life for nine months, and thank you for making sure I was going to have the best opportunities in life.”
And for Bee, because of the poetry aspect of Love is in da blog…a haiku. Ok, maybe it’s just “haiku-ish” because I’m really not that great of a poet, although I’m working on it!! 🙂
Two women prayed silently
About the same child.
God answered both women’s prayers.